I am Kyler.

It's better to burn out than to fade away.

I’m about dat tug life
I have never been this sore in my life.
This week was like that scene in ‘Holes,’ when they tell Stanley the first day is the toughest, no wait the second day is the toughest because you’re still tired from the first day. Well, then the third day is the toughest! etc.

Week 1 got all my orientation/certifications done, followed a guy around for 2 hours and learned my route entirely (he said it usually takes at least 2 days) Team leader seems really happy that I’m through Vuteq and not a temp agency. And he may just be fluffing me up cause he doesn’t want me to quit (they have a really high turnover for new employees) but he seems really happy to have me there. Lot’s of compliments, always brings my mistakes up in a friendly, respectful manner, and just seems genuine.

Not that anyone gives a damn, but I ride around on this tugger thing, carrying a train of 4 dolly carts behind me, each loaded with a pallet full of steering columns, or glove boxes, random heavy instrument panel parts, etc. Ride over to that department, unload everything, grab empty boxes and stack them on each of the pallets, cover it with a lid, drop it off, pick up new pallets, rinse and repeat.
Doesn’t sound too difficult, and it’s not as far as thought goes, but damn that’s hard work.
I clocked about 4 hours of overtime this week too.
Coooool/owwwww

I’m about dat tug life

I have never been this sore in my life.
This week was like that scene in ‘Holes,’ when they tell Stanley the first day is the toughest, no wait the second day is the toughest because you’re still tired from the first day. Well, then the third day is the toughest! etc.

Week 1 got all my orientation/certifications done, followed a guy around for 2 hours and learned my route entirely (he said it usually takes at least 2 days) Team leader seems really happy that I’m through Vuteq and not a temp agency. And he may just be fluffing me up cause he doesn’t want me to quit (they have a really high turnover for new employees) but he seems really happy to have me there. Lot’s of compliments, always brings my mistakes up in a friendly, respectful manner, and just seems genuine.

Not that anyone gives a damn, but I ride around on this tugger thing, carrying a train of 4 dolly carts behind me, each loaded with a pallet full of steering columns, or glove boxes, random heavy instrument panel parts, etc. Ride over to that department, unload everything, grab empty boxes and stack them on each of the pallets, cover it with a lid, drop it off, pick up new pallets, rinse and repeat.
Doesn’t sound too difficult, and it’s not as far as thought goes, but damn that’s hard work.
I clocked about 4 hours of overtime this week too.
Coooool/owwwww

I just learned “Freewill” by Rush on guitar! …except all the impossible solos of course. It was really challenging but I’m really proud of what I’ve got, considering not so long ago I had no idea how to play guitar.

okie

got a little bored, and nostalgic
decided to do a rough 1-take (1 mic, 1 recording all the way through, both guitar/vocals no fancy shit whatsoever) cover of an old Blink-182 song I used to listen to, with a little different take.

soooo here’s “my take on”'Voyeur - Blink-182'

fuck me, Zack died

I’ll just be sitting here

wondering why I haven’t slept in 33 hours but really, I already know why, but part of me is not allowing me to “override” and get some fucking rest.

I’ll keep telling myself that I’ll just go to bed in a minute
but, ah, hey, let me scroll down real quick on Facebook,
and of course your mom posts a picture of you from last year dressed up in your shitty costume at work. I think, remember what we did that day; that was an entire year ago today.

Ah fuck, I hate November and I hate being alone and I hate how I feel and I hate how I’ve felt since I came home from Fishers.

I don’t feel right lately, very… foreign, alien, despondent. Like a puzzle piece that got mixed in with a very different puzzle, and the original puzzle is thrown out or missing, or just fucked beyond recognition.

In essence I’m a relic of something 9/10ths collapsed.

I’d say I feel numb but it’s different. I react as though I’m numb, I move as though I’m numb, but I feel every ounce of pain I’ve bottled and then give it to myself twenty times worse and repeat the process.

I just want to feel like I’m not a shithead that’s dragging everyone down, y’know,maybe have some friends that don’t need to tell me they plan on killing themselves just so they don’t have to hang out with me. Someone that responds to me, and y’know, maybe would want to see me sometimes or something. I don’t fuckin’ know.

I always sound like such a whiney little bitch when I type on this thing.

I wait and tell myself "life ain’t chess"  but no one comes in, and yes, you’re alone.

You don’t miss me, I know.

Night terrors..

A weird twist on this one: you never died, we just drifted apart or had a fight or something and I convinced myself you had died, and ended up permanently in a psych ward, and as soon as you found out, you came to visit me and I then realized that it was my own mind betraying me and I couldn’t trust myself or anyone so I jumped off the hospital roof and killed myself.

Fuuck that was heavy.. I’m oh so tired of the vividness and the frequency of these, but then, I have been since they started.